Production - First draft: Feedback

Here is some of the feedback following my first draft of my production piece:

• "Love the lighting, angles and feel of this."
• I felt this was a key part of my original plans for this two minute opening piece which, seemingly, has worked effectively as my audience seems to have noticed it.
• "The lighting works very well"
• This reflects the point made about how effective the use of low key lighting has been. 
• "The shadowing was really effective" 

Some areas for improvement have also been pointed out, which include: 

• "I'd suggest making the cuts between shots smoother. Plus audio, obviously."
• I think the transition between shots is an area which I could focus more on, and if it would allow the audience to connect more with the film then it is something which I will definitely consider. I did initially try to make the piece and disjointed as I could without distancing the audience from the story line, and in doing so I extended the transition between shots. However, this feedback helped me to realise that perhaps a greater compromise is needed in order to fully allow the audience to engage with the story line, thereby making it a more successful piece. 
• Audio is also an important issue which I intend on facing. This first draft has allowed me to get an idea for the type of music which I think would work best for this piece. It also allows me to clearly see where foley sounds are needed, which are: Character dialogue, footsteps (to be included in the transition between the ident and the first cut), a light switching on, paper sliding across a table, wind, footsteps (to be included in the graveyard scene). Voices are a necessity for this piece and I intend on including them in my second or third draft. I feel these would enhance the piece, making it more effective and engaging. 
• "I would spend more time working on titles" 
• This is a very crucial aspect of a film opening. It introduces the actors and acknowledges everybody behind the making of the film. In order for this to be a successful movie opening, I must spend more time on making the titles suitable yet effective. In my first draft, I included titles introducing myself as writer and director, and a title for which a music producer would be inserted. I intend on introducing more titles, thereby making it a more successful film opening.